Wendy Flanders' Accusations Against;
Quinta Xavier Vonderheide
Filings by;
Quinta Xavier Vonderheide School
Kathy Yoder E-mail
Following is a transcription from a fax of the original e-mail dated Wednesday November 17, 2004 sent by Kathy Yoder to the Principal of Quinta’s school with the subject line “update”. Images of the fax can be seen here.
Hi, Mrs. __________,
This is Kathy Yoder. I realize you are very busy so I told Linda I would write all this out in an e-mail.
I have been impressed with the way you have handled a difficult situation with Ben V. and Wendy F. I have not felt compelled to add my 2 cents until today. As I have mentioned to you briefly, I come into this situation with other experience that most people don’t have. I have counseled for twenty years (good grief can it be that long? I don’t feel that old :) ) and have known Ben and Wendy for at least two and a half years. I really appreciated the fact that you had set up for Ben to pick Quinta up in the office. That was a great idea. Then it was changed to Ben was going to pick Quinta up at the bus. That is still a great idea. Now unfortunately he is being given access to the school unattended. I have huge concerns about Ben going to the school.
Ben’s outrageous behavior last summer (03) resulted in a Judge ordering something – I forget the name of it – some sort of stay – until things could be resolved. The stay started before Christmas and ended I think in May. All Ben had to do during that time was come to Wendy’s driveway and pick Quinn up. He refused to do so for over five months. Over Easter this year he still wasn’t picking Quin up, he began calling me with harassing messages. I had not spoken to Ben for about six months at that time. The messages were lewd and threatening. I basically ignored it until he threatened to kidnap my daughter. At that time the Police were involved and he is not to call me. I did not press charges. It was all recorded. I could have done so. Looking back I was gracious and just wanted him to stop it. I probably should have pressed charges.
Long story short - I feel that Ben has manipulated the situation now to the point that he isn’t doing what you had requested he do. It was a very good plan and I know several parents who drive further than Ben has to on their custodial days.
I talked to Wendy this morning and I have been working with her on strategies and working with other people. She was involved in a horrific car accident a number of years ago where the steering wheel was imbedded in her chest and the front of her face was ripped off. She experiences pain all of the time. It will never get better. She had some neurological damage that has not affected her IQ but it does cause her to use some channels of communication that are more familiar to her. We have been discussing how to talk to people when she feels the stress so that she doesn’t come across the wrong way. She has made great strides. But she will be the first to admit she has a long way to go.
She is very stressed when Quin goes with Ben but she has ample reason for that. Ben does not allow Quin to do normal things when he is with him. Ben sometimes does not feed Quin. Ben has told Quin outlandish things – the weekend they moved was Bens weekend – he told Quin – Your mom is moving and she isn’t coming back for you. Ben didn’t allow Quin to go to his school orientation this year in September. It was on a Tuesday night he didn’t let Quin play baseball this summer on the Saturday mornings that he had Quin. Ben has been telling Quin that he is in a “stupid” school and that he isn’t going to go there anymore and the kids are “stupid”. Ben kept Quin this summer and he was not going to return him Of course this is only the tip of the iceberg. She calls to find out if Quin is there because she is afraid Ben will not bring him back. We are working specifically on this fear and how to overcome this feeling. It still gets the best of her sometimes.
I am also a mandated reporter and Quin’s situation has, several times been a huge concern to me. You and I both know how difficult it is for a child who is suffering emotional abuse and yet how hard it is to prove such a thing. Ben hates me because I reported his phone alls and often says mean things about me. I do not dislike Ben but I do have a lot of concern about allowing him access to my daughter. He is not a safe person. He will not take a drug test and took the 5th when asked under oath if he does drugs. Ben’s history and my own personal experience lead me to believe that Ben is not safe around children. I want you to be warned of the situation as it is a difficult one and not probably as it appears. Ben can be very charismatic and say all the right things. He is a very manipulative person. I have not shared any of this with any parents. I have briefly mentioned a few things to Miss Birk. Quin didn’t have a lunch last Wed. and I wanted Miss Birk to know that I would be sending extra food with Mel on Wednesdays so she can ‘share’ with Quin.
Please feel free to call me if you have any questions. If Ben is allowed to go Penn Johns then Ted and I will probably pick Mel up on those days. Thanks for your time. I know how busy a school day can be. We appreciate all your hard work. Mel absolutely loves school. She is home today with Pink Eye – we both have it : ( . She cried a little when she found out she would be home today. Thanks again. Kathy Yoder 656-6888
The things I have shared with you are all common knowledge. I am not counseling Wendy. I work with her as a friend. I have counseled Quin and anything that was shared with me in a counseling situation I have not included. Thanks again. k
